Perhaps it's a Matter of Style

When the book "Who's Afraid of the Big, Bad Boss?", was reviewed by Mary Ellen Slayter (Washington Post), readers responded with stories of unbelievable (not to be confused with untrue) descriptions of dysfunctional boss behavior. Yet, in spite of being treated badly, most of the respondents have remained in their jobs. This raised two questions in my mind: (1) What keeps folks at a job where they are not treated well? (2) Is there a danger that labeling behavior as good or bad overlooks what might be simply different styles?

I would like to leave the first question for you, the reader, to address. Why do people remain in positions where they receive poor treatment from their bosses? If you think you know why, send me an email with the subject line: column response and look for a future column with a compilation of the reasons submitted.

Regarding the second question: Acknowledging that "bad bosses" exist, let's qualify "bad behavior" as that which is unethical, unfair or abusive. Although we may define those terms differently, we would agree that such behavior is unacceptable. But what if our difficulties with a boss are more a matter of behavioral style differences?

In my coaching practice with mid-level managers, a common issue is how to get assignments that will advance their careers. It seems that they can't get past the gatekeeper: their bosses. My experience has shown me that, frequently, the key to opening the gate is to understand behavioral differences—my client's style and the boss's. So, we start with a Behavioral Style Assessment.

Case in point (names changed): When June's boss suggested that she get interpersonal skills training, she decided to get a coach instead and that's how we met. Her goal: to find a way to relate to her boss, Kevin, that would increase his confidence in her and expand her opportunities within the company. In order to do this, it was important for June to be aware of her perspective. If she saw Kevin as the Big, Bad Boss, then the situation would be hopeless. But, if she could consider that their inability to relate effectively was a matter of different behavioral styles, there were possibilities! We decided that the first step was to identify what behaviors were getting in the way. What happened in their meetings that led to frustration on her part and annoyance on his?

Space does not allow a discussion of June's complete plan, but key to her success was an increased awareness of her behavioral style and its impact on her relationship with Kevin. We decided to use an assessment that reported her behavioral style and its implications for work performance. She applied her new knowledge by adjusting the way she communicated with Kevin, a step that improved their relationship significantly. Kevin created a new position for her and assigned her to lead a highly visible cross - functional team. Last year, June was invited to deliver a presentation to company executives at their annual meeting.

It's worthwhile to make a distinction between individual behavioral styles and the Big, Bad Boss designation. The former is workable; the latter, well, "you gotta know when to fold 'em."

Dr. Rita Carey, has assisted dozens of organizations and thousands of individuals through a broad array of transitions - from individual career changes to change management strategies for entire corporations. For biographical information on Dr. Carey, please click here

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Perhaps it's a Matter of Style